Asmodeus: Hell's Most Impatient Patient

Picture this: the Lord of the Nine Hells, Asmodeus himself, pacing back and forth in his infernal waiting room. No, he's not waiting for a root canal (though that would certainly be hellish). He's awaiting his grand return to power, and let me tell you, patience is not a virtue in the Nine Hells.

The Devil's in the Details

Our sources (read: a slightly singed imp who may or may not have been bribed with a soul-flavored lollipop) report that Asmodeus has been spotted:

1. Furiously refreshing the "Evil Overlord Power Rankings" on his hellphone

2. Practicing his maniacal laugh in front of a mirror (made of tortured souls, naturally)

3. Reorganizing his collection of "World Domination for Dummies" books

A Hell of a Time

"I've been plotting my return for eons," Asmodeus was overheard grumbling to a particularly unlucky demon. "Do you know how long that is in Forgotten Realms years? Neither do I, because time is an illusion down here!"

The Prince of Darkness has reportedly taken up knitting to pass the time. His latest creation? A sweater that reads "Nine Hells, Nine Problems" across the front. It's all the rage among the damned souls this season.

Devilish Schemes

Our imp informant (who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of being turned into a chicken nugget) shared some of Asmodeus' plans for his comeback tour:

- A Kickstarter campaign to fund a new layer of Hell (working title: "Heck")

- A reality TV show called "Hell's Kitchen" (cease and desist letter from Gordon Ramsay pending)

- A self-help book titled "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Devils"

The Waiting Game

As Asmodeus twiddles his thumbs (all 666 of them), the multiverse holds its breath. Will the arch-devil finally make his move? Will he remember where he left his car keys? And most importantly, will he ever finish that infernal jigsaw puzzle of the Abyss he started?

Only time will tell. And in Hell, there's plenty of that to go around.

Remember, adventurers: if you happen to run into a tall, red fellow muttering about "making the Nine Hells great again," it's probably best to turn around and walk the other way. Unless, of course, you fancy a game of Infernal Checkers. I hear he's always looking for new players...